I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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