exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
