I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
