I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
