hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
