when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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