Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
