why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
