Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize