her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
