pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
