Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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