How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I deserve this hangover.
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