I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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