Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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