I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
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