Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
