I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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