so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
