good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
home. puking in laundry basket.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
