i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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