i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
