the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
