My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize