The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Quick, to the slutcave!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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