I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
