Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
