you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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