You're completely useless in the revolution.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize