its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think people are normalizing furries
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
