I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
