they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
50% drunk capacity currently
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
