Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
