i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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