when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
