Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
