In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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