1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
