her vagine was all disorganized.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
