the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
