So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
