And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
