I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
