Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
