No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
