mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
