That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize