I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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