I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
