I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
