Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
