Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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