im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
