I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I didn't notice because vodka
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
