Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
