Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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