i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
