The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
