I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
