Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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