i came on her dog
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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