When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize