She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
