Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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