I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
