How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
