I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
