I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
