Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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