SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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