Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
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