We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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