So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize