Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
