My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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