my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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