the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
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