WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
