i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
