And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize