Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize