I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Randomize
