he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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