An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
two words: eviction party
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
