He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
