He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
