Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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