they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
