ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Rumble strips road head = magical
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
