I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize