ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
