im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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