You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
