so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
