You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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