Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
