Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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