Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize