you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
