my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
