I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
