Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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