its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
