call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
