I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
