HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
