dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
