when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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