My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
