that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
