Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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