You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
