After last night, I could never be a politician.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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